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The Top Ten Things I Didn’t Get To Be Thankful For This Year

“She says she’s obviously not cooking this year, but you can come entertain the twins if you want.”

 

I’m going to take a brief time-out from ironing my good leggings and giving a preliminary stretch to my Spanx, to wish you all the best for Thanksgiving. I’ll be eating turkey and trying to keep the twins from hiding mashed potatoes in my Mother-in-law’s heating vents.

But, before I sign off, I thought it’d be a good idea to mention everything I’m thankful for.

And then I thought about it for a while, and decided it would be better to mention everything I didn’t get the chance to be thankful for.

No one ever mentions those things. Yet, here we are.

The Top Ten Things I Didn’t Get A Chance To Be Thankful For In 2012
by
Paige Kellerman
(Someone who would’ve appreciated being grateful for at least one of these… hypothetically. None of them were tested, so she may not have wanted them at all. But she likes to think she would’ve. Is that a long enough introduction? Good. I can’t think of what would be next. Stopping intro in 3..2…1 )
1.) Edible pillowcases: Because some of us don’t have the luxury of getting to sleep and eat all in the same day.
2.) Justin Timberlake and I getting married. For those of you who don’t know, he married Jessica Biel this year. I know, she looked a lot like me, right? Confusion understandable. Like I always tell people, “You can’t look at our abs at the same time. You’ll never be able to tell the difference.”
3.) The bank matching all the money I withdrew.
4.) Justin Bieber calling me after his breakup.
5.) Full-butt underwear that say “Snazzy”.
6.) The ability of marshmallows not to melt and block my access to the hot cocoa. But we can put people  on the moon. Seems legit.
7.)  My stomach not dragging on the ground when I reach down to retrieve cookies I’ve dropped.
8.) Finally making the connection between numbers 2,4, and 7 of this list.
9.) Coffee that never stops being hot or leaves me smelling like a trucker on a cross-country trek, when I talk at people.
10.) To, just once, be part of a impromptu, movie-style dance number that I know all the moves to, yet no one can explain how. I’m looking at you, Step Up 4.
I think we’ll all look bravely towards 2013.
Let me also say I’m truly thankful for Husband, my babies, and all you, my dear Readers. You guys make getting out of bed an adventure I look forward to every day.

Paige Kellerman blogs about marriage, babies and gin at www.paigekellerman.com. You can reach her at paigekellerman@gmail.com.

She also hides out on Twitter and Facebook.


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